"SHY"

Got up at 9 when I actually slept at 4. I couldn't continue my sleep after Elsa's alarm rang. So I turned on my laptop and listening to songs which I downloaded yesterday. I don't know why it came to a song named "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa. My heart pumped while listening. I remembered all the things with Rayyan, mom or family. It's kinda sad though, I mean, what's going on with Rayyan? Why didn't he want to meet my family? Uhmm he wanted it but in some occasion. BUT WHY WHY? I can't understand why. I asked him last night he said he didn't mean anything. He just wanted to be alone. Uhmm... nice reasone hahaha. Perhaps, he is SHY or nervous hahaha.

Talking about SHY, me and Rayyan went to Kemang last night. We ended up at this place called Papilion which Rayyan thought it was the same one as the one in Pacific Place. When we entered the building, he asked the worker there he said the restaurant is close but they have this fine dining place and lounge at the top. It's called SHY Rooftop.

SHY Rooftop is placed on the rooftop *duh*. It's in the 5th floor of Papilion place. It has live band. Everyday the band plays different music genre. For Saturday they play Pop Rock. I could say it's really classy. As it is classy, the price of the beverages are so expensive. We ordered 2 desserts, 3 mineral waters and 1 orange juice. It cost around Rp 400,000ish. Expensive huh? Weeewww.

Anyway, tomorrow Jayson is leaving Indonesia and back to Malaysia. So we will be hanging out for his last day here. We are meeting up in Plaza Senayan at 2 pm for lunch in Marche. For the night life, we will be going to Black Cat near by. Talking about Black Cat, just about two days ago Dicky Angelo told me that he performed there and treated his friends dinner. He said the place is good. The next day after he told me that, Jayson bbm-ed telling that he might be going to Black Cat but he cancelled it cause he was alone. So today is the day we might go there. Hope we are going to make it :)

He's Back

Rayyan's finally back to Jakarta. He'd been away for 4 days. I miss him so much :( I was really glad to see him. We went out for dinner last night. He picked me up by taxi. He didn't bring his car cause it was stuck between two cars in his parking's guest house. I don't mind he didn't drive a car as long as we can stay together and back to our normal "relationship life".
We had our dinner in Tiga Nyonya restaurant in Sarinah. It was our first time eating there. As expected, the prices are quite expensive for Indonesian's restaurant. The place is so traditional. They played the really old traditional songs. At first, I felt terrified cause it was kinda sound like those songs in Indonesian horror movies. Got goose bumps though. Then it was alright after the foods came. Well, many visitors were foreigners. Besides the place, the taste of the foods were delicious. Bet it was worth it.

After we finished up the foods, I told him that I wanted to buy red fried rice across the street in Kedai Pelangi. It serves Makassar foods. It is one of our favorite place to eat. The red fried rice is very famous. Anyways, I wanted that to bring it home for my sahur. Yes, I am still awake right now cause I forced myself not to sleep so that I can eat sahur. Otherwise I might not get up of my sleep.

The best part was that we walked from Kedai Pelangi to Starbucks. I ordered Frapuccino Java Chip to take home. Well, without even realizing it the drink was finished on our way home. We went back home by taxi which we got near McDonalds. Unfortunately, it took quite long to get one taxi. It was so unusual though. While waiting for the taxi, Rayyan said, "We never did this before, waiting for taxi and walked around the area. We were always driving around". Yeah he was right. I totally agreed to it. I was happy how we could do a very common stuff, I mean not too high class. I was so glad he actually wanted to do this. The moments that I've wanted so long :)

Thanks honey, it was great though. Please don't get sick. Rest well :*

Jayson's Second Visit

Jakarta, July 2012

Kuya Oba and Jayson First Visit

Jakarta, June 2012

Second Day

It's been 2 days that we stay away from each other - no talking, no texting, no meeting. My mind keeps saying,"is he really alright?". I mean, alright as in health. I am afraid that he might be in hospital right now. I don't exaggerate my thought of him sick and dying in the hospital. No. I am really worried. The previous fight which was about a year ago, he got stressed out then his illness "ulcer" occurred. I found it out the next day after he came out of the hospital. I felt really terrible for making him like that.
So now, my mind keeps telling me, "What if he is in the hospital right now?" but then later "No, maybe he is alright but he just doesn't want to answer my phone so he turned it off... or maybe... he is on a flight right now that's why he's phone is off???" OH MY GOD!! Yes, I feel so terrible. What should I do?? I don't know which mind is right; hospital, flight, sleeping?

PLEASE GOD HELP ME SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS.

Now I think about it. He's always like this every time we have a big fight. Well, I actually didn't count this as a big fight at first. Now by looking out the situation, it is a big fight. What the hell is wrong with him? What the hell is wrong with me I don't know what I shall do! Seriously, what should I do? I AM TOTALLY LOST!!!

Should I just leave him today, tomorrow and so on? Perhaps, HE DOES REALLY NEED TIME TO BE ALONE WITHOUT ME BRAGGING HIM!!

Past Sweet Things

I MISS THESE MOMENTS

Tired of us??

It was rainy when I opened my eyes from my sleep. Someone came to my mind. The thoughts and all the memories with that person crossed my mind. Thinking what I have done all this time to that person. My phone ringed. I quickly took my phone and picked it up. The person who called was not the person that I expected. I thought it would be him. I thought that we have this telepathy. I sighed after done talking on the phone with my friend who's name is Ade. Actually the person I'd expected was Rayyan. Yep, my boyfriend is that person I'm talking about. Again another question crossed my mind, why did he say that to me last night? Was he tired with me? Am I burdened to him? What should I do? I kept on thinking about what I shall do to make things alright. But again, the words he was saying last night... It really hurt my heart. My heart ached. Why did he say that? Why did he hate what I'm doing? Am I always a burden to him? Now I think about it more and more. Doesn't he realize that I've tried to change myself? Why did he keep on blaming me?? Or... Did I do the same thing to him? Did I blame him much? I guess, we both are tired to each other. Getting to realize more on how things sometimes not going well in our relationship. Can we really do this together? Make things change? I doubt it. I used to have this confidence about our relationship that might go well and we might be in the next step of life ie marriage. Why did he say that he was tired of me? Why did he hate me like that? I hope he realized what he was saying, what he has done to me. Am I always the one who gets pointed out of the blame? The facts that I don't like about him is when he thinks he is perfect. He is way better than the others. Well, it's a good thing sometimes. But I don't like it when it came to me. He said he doesn't like me wearing glasses and my glasses look cheap and stuff. I mean, is it really okay to hear that?? I have heart you know. My heart could cry, too. He should have known that I am not that rich to always buy branded stuffs. If he likes me when he first saw me because of what he thought I was, rich or everything, I am sorry I am not. You can find another girl who can buy BRANDED STUFFS. There's another pressure that caused by him. I lost my blackberry phone few weeks ago. The next day I lost my phone, me and him went to Senayan City to see around and seek for the prices of Blackberry phones. There he asked me of what type of Blackberry I used to have. I said, "Onyx". I wanted to buy Gemini or any type that is cheap for the cost of Blackberry. But then he said, "Why don't you buy Onyx? Cause you had Onyx right? Then buy the same type". Onyx that he meant is Onyx of the new version cause the old one is no more produced. Anyways, I told him already that I don't have enough money to buy that one cause my parents are not giving me money to buy a new one. Not because me and dad don't talk to each other for awhile, not because my parents are cheap. It's because they want to teach me how to be responsible on what I have and what they give me. I have lost or destroyed all my previous phones cause of my clumsiness. But this time, they won't buy me a new one so that I can be more careful. But why did he say that to me? BUY THE SAME TYPE OF BLACKBERRY?? Damn right. Sometimes what he said is just doesn't make any sense. He's actually giving me much pressure. Teaching me to be more of those high class people. But I came to be like that kind of person, he would say that I am a burden to him. Now what? Who is the person to blame? Not only him that is tired of this relationship, but also me. I am just getting sick of him telling me to buy branded stuffs and so on. HELLOOO??? Didn't I tell you about my family's situation? Can you please understand how I feel? I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore especially to mom. I love my mom. Talking about my family, sometimes I feel that he doesn't want to meet my family while he forced me to meet his family whenever they asked me to come along. Don't you think it is not fair? He changed his views towards my family. Is it because now that he knows eveything about my family? This is what I don't like about people who expects more than the fact. He never told me about his past that I think there's something fishy about it. To tell you guys, he is good in keeping his bad images as a secret. Good to be an actor though. Whatever. Anyways, I think that's all I have. He still didn't call me today. FUCK YEAH! I gotta go now. I need to take shower and go to JNE to deliver my mom's inventories :D See ya :*