SUNSET MOOD

Uhm this sunset shows how my mood is right now. Its colour is blue to red; bright to dark.
My mind is......... blank??! I can only think BLACK or DARK!
I wanted to tell how my feelings were but something just came in the way and that really pissed me off then changed my mood. I didn't mean to blame 'her' for the changed of my mood. I blamed myself for not taking things in a cold-headed way.
She is my best friend,I know! But there's just one thing that she can't manage between me and her, that is, she sometimes brought up the matter of the '3 of us' and you know what?I hate it! Or maybe I hate myself to keep running away. Do you think I am really running away from this matter?? Or maybe I am blind that I can't see this matter?

Okay, let me be honest. Perhaps it's really hard for me to admit everything I see maybe because I never expected this matter to really happen. Time really goes so fast!
Huaaaaaaaa I don't understand myself at all!Who am I?? AAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHH!

Okay okay okay.... forget it! Aaaargh let me mention the word "SHOCK" shhh!
Ha, I was actually shocked to know that he *should I mention his name?* actually asked her out? It's not a big deal for me though. It's just that I didn't expect that to be so fast. Cause you know what? I could really feel the difference. Here let me explain more specific, he used to be real close to me and my sister, and talk about lotsa stuffs;he picked me up and we went somewhere; brought foods for me and family blablabla. So I am used to him being like that to me. I honestly thought this is just it - it's not like a special relationship like those fucking lovers though many people misunderstood our "closeness" as a boyfie-girlfie thang but seriously we never felt that way! Anyways, I guess all this shit happened after my birthday in Sealine. I didn't even know what had gone wrong with him??? I felt that he suddenly avoided me with NO FUCKING REASON! At first, I didn't bother about that cause I was busy with my damn exams and school stuffs *yeah-ASS!*. I heard no news from him and he didn't even wish me luck for the exams like he used to so I was like "huh?WHAT-F-EVER!".
I kinda knew that something was going on there behind me like he and her getting close but again ME NOT BOTHER. Why?? Cause he avoided me and he didn't talk to me. SO WHY SHOULD I FUCKING CARE?!

Due to this like-I-don't-care act, there had been a miscommunication between the three of us especially me and him. I pretended like "hahaha come on guys, I am fine!I am cool.Awww come on.HAHAHA" Yeah right, that was NOT! I actually felt terrible cause I didn't know what to do in front of her and him. So my acting was AWESOME! They didn't even realise that. But I kept hiding and I even ran away to UmmSaid to chill and refresh. As the time ran so fast like a dog catching a cat, I chilled there and played with kids and blablablabla. But still I didn't get my answers to solve at least one. So I was sure I still kept it inside and could not let it out. I wanted to cry again but I couldn't cause I never wanted to bring that matter. Whenever the matter visited my brain, I tried to erase or kick the matter away from my brain. "I don't want my brain to be messy cause of that matter", I said silently.

THE POINT IS, WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON HERE? I DON'T EVEN KNOW EXACTLY! ME AND HIM, WHAT HAS GONE WRONG BETWEEN US?? WHAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM? I DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER! I DON'T GET THIS WHOLE PLAY.. OH MY GOSH!
COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE A SPECIFIC ANSWER TO THIS??