Tired of us??

It was rainy when I opened my eyes from my sleep. Someone came to my mind. The thoughts and all the memories with that person crossed my mind. Thinking what I have done all this time to that person. My phone ringed. I quickly took my phone and picked it up. The person who called was not the person that I expected. I thought it would be him. I thought that we have this telepathy. I sighed after done talking on the phone with my friend who's name is Ade. Actually the person I'd expected was Rayyan. Yep, my boyfriend is that person I'm talking about. Again another question crossed my mind, why did he say that to me last night? Was he tired with me? Am I burdened to him? What should I do? I kept on thinking about what I shall do to make things alright. But again, the words he was saying last night... It really hurt my heart. My heart ached. Why did he say that? Why did he hate what I'm doing? Am I always a burden to him? Now I think about it more and more. Doesn't he realize that I've tried to change myself? Why did he keep on blaming me?? Or... Did I do the same thing to him? Did I blame him much? I guess, we both are tired to each other. Getting to realize more on how things sometimes not going well in our relationship. Can we really do this together? Make things change? I doubt it. I used to have this confidence about our relationship that might go well and we might be in the next step of life ie marriage. Why did he say that he was tired of me? Why did he hate me like that? I hope he realized what he was saying, what he has done to me. Am I always the one who gets pointed out of the blame? The facts that I don't like about him is when he thinks he is perfect. He is way better than the others. Well, it's a good thing sometimes. But I don't like it when it came to me. He said he doesn't like me wearing glasses and my glasses look cheap and stuff. I mean, is it really okay to hear that?? I have heart you know. My heart could cry, too. He should have known that I am not that rich to always buy branded stuffs. If he likes me when he first saw me because of what he thought I was, rich or everything, I am sorry I am not. You can find another girl who can buy BRANDED STUFFS. There's another pressure that caused by him. I lost my blackberry phone few weeks ago. The next day I lost my phone, me and him went to Senayan City to see around and seek for the prices of Blackberry phones. There he asked me of what type of Blackberry I used to have. I said, "Onyx". I wanted to buy Gemini or any type that is cheap for the cost of Blackberry. But then he said, "Why don't you buy Onyx? Cause you had Onyx right? Then buy the same type". Onyx that he meant is Onyx of the new version cause the old one is no more produced. Anyways, I told him already that I don't have enough money to buy that one cause my parents are not giving me money to buy a new one. Not because me and dad don't talk to each other for awhile, not because my parents are cheap. It's because they want to teach me how to be responsible on what I have and what they give me. I have lost or destroyed all my previous phones cause of my clumsiness. But this time, they won't buy me a new one so that I can be more careful. But why did he say that to me? BUY THE SAME TYPE OF BLACKBERRY?? Damn right. Sometimes what he said is just doesn't make any sense. He's actually giving me much pressure. Teaching me to be more of those high class people. But I came to be like that kind of person, he would say that I am a burden to him. Now what? Who is the person to blame? Not only him that is tired of this relationship, but also me. I am just getting sick of him telling me to buy branded stuffs and so on. HELLOOO??? Didn't I tell you about my family's situation? Can you please understand how I feel? I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore especially to mom. I love my mom. Talking about my family, sometimes I feel that he doesn't want to meet my family while he forced me to meet his family whenever they asked me to come along. Don't you think it is not fair? He changed his views towards my family. Is it because now that he knows eveything about my family? This is what I don't like about people who expects more than the fact. He never told me about his past that I think there's something fishy about it. To tell you guys, he is good in keeping his bad images as a secret. Good to be an actor though. Whatever. Anyways, I think that's all I have. He still didn't call me today. FUCK YEAH! I gotta go now. I need to take shower and go to JNE to deliver my mom's inventories :D See ya :*