14th May, 2011
Saturday night. It's been long to have spent our weekend together. He asked me what did I want for tonight and I answered "I have been wanting for a special dinner". He said, "How about dinner in Hotel Indonesia?". Omg, I was seriously surprised. That's not what I meant. "No honey, that's exaggerated". Then I thought maybe he wanted that place so I changed my dress quickly and put a little make up. He bbm-ed me saying that he's been downstairs waiting for me.
I texted him telling that I was about to go down and infront of the lift but my text wasn't delivered.
I walked slowly with my heels searching for him. There he was in the car and I was hoping for him to come out of the car right after I saw his car.
I saw him wearing blue striped-white shirt then I complained. Meanwhile I wore a dress with a black semi-blazer. I looked so formal. Then I said, "why don't you wear your blazer?". "Well, I don't feel comfortable wearing it. It's just a dinner, you know". "But...but... I thought we've agreed of having a special dinner. You should wear a little bit formal. You don't get it do you?". "No, I don't get what special dinner is and what I should wear. I'm just a homeboy. I came from village. I don't know such things. I don't know style". "Okay, let's go back to your place and change".
He was so pissed. He drove so fast.
After he changed his shirt we were roaming around from Central Jakarta to the South. He changed his mind of having dinner in HI because I said it would be so expensive especially during weekend. We didn't talk much in the car. I held my phone and texting. I didn't even see the road or where we were heading. Thank God the street was empty like unusual.
It was passed 8. We still didn't get any place to eat. I think I apologized and I told him I wanted peace. He chilled a little and said, "I might be tired of you doing this to me". I was shocked. I almost cried.
We stopped in Ratu Plasa. He chose to eat steak in Outback Steak.
Slowly by slowly the atmosphere between us became normal. We took pictures and talked, laughed... staring at each other's eyes and smiled.
I felt warm inside. I said, "I love you". Yes, deeply in love with you.
Finished our food around 10ish. He said he was sleepy so he wanted to go back home. I agreed silently. On our way home I blubbered, "OMG! It's only 10?!!Why don't we hang out? I mean, it's weekend. We hung out late last night with our friends, why don't we hang out just the of us till late??". He only replied, "I'm sleepy".
"Okay maybe he IS sleepy". Honestly, I was pissed. I mean, he wanted the special weekend but why we didnt hang out till late? He could hang out late night with my friends but with me? WHY NOT?
He suddenly said, "It's just that I dont feel like going out. I am not in the mood for that". I kept silent.
I called Andry and Ndo for a hang out after Rayyan dropping me home.
They both thought I was crying when I called them. They came to me right away in the lobby :)
Well, we actually didnt talk much about of what happened between me and Rayyan. But it helped me to calm down :)
I texted Rayyan but my text wasnt delivered. I knew he would turn off his phone.
I just wanted to talk to him.
I wanted to ask myself. Why am I like this towards him? Do I hurt him much? Am I the right girl for him?
I've changed a lot. A LOT... A LOT... I have never been this mean to any of my bf :(
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