Monday, March 22, 2010

A high school "life". I mean, "love".

I have read some Japanese mangas about high school life. It seems that everyone is always looking forward to be in high school. They said high school life is always FUN! Well, when I compared it with MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE... HA-HA-HA-HA I have no fun at all. Maybe I did have fun but not THAT FUN like how these mangas described -.- Nevermind! I just can't wait till this school to get over and get my own life.. wooohooo hahahaha. I've always dreamed about after my university "life" and get a high-salary-job then live in my own apartment with my favorite decoration, shopping with my own money. OH YEAH! Anyways, this is just a dream. Concerning about a dream, this won't come true if I don't work hard to achieve it.

Let me talk about my relationship life. As I had gone through different relationships,my friend, Esi, had observed and once had asked me that why I can't stay in a long period with my ex-es. Honestly, it was not because I "can't" but "I didnt want to". Though with my all ex-es, I suppose that we broke up in a good term (and so ended up to be friends except that one person), this had raised a question as why I didnt want to stay longer. It is actually because I had always felt like I had to fake myself - not to be myself. It made me feel uncomfortable enough. You know, a relationship isnt about just having fun and for the sake of status. But it's about how we can share everything and express ourselves to our partner. So if I couldnt be who I am why to keep the relationship longer? It will only hurt me later on, right?

I've realized that I am quite a grown up now. I talk a lot about guys with my parents. They dont mind of me having a bf as long as we dont stand out of the line, out of my parents' rules. But as I grow up, I dont seem to be interested of having a bf. Perhaps, it's because a nice guy is of rarity now-a-days. I have seen different kind of guys here and cyber world but none of them seems to be my type hahaha. Maybe now I tend to seek for a really good guy who can understand and accept me for who I am not only sees my good side, you know. Till today, I have known a guy who knows everything about me and I can be who I am in front of him (he's not from "army gang") and I've thought that maybe he should be the one but then I changed my mind as he always makes me pissed and worried. He can never make me happy but make me suffer. So, strike that!

Uhm this whole thing reminds me of Badut. I dont know why I chose him to be my "crush" till today hehe. As my parents know him and his family I even talked about it with them. I was in cloud seven every time his mom treated me like her own daughter and even called me as her daughter-in-law in front of my mom and my aunt. -.- Last week when I took a nap, she called my mom and told her to watch MBC4. She said she was watching with her husband and suddenly she remembered me so that's why she called. hahahaha. However, I always think about him but sometimes my heart doesnt even sure if he is my destiny. HAHAHAHA

WHAT AM I THINKING?? I am still young! Why do I talk about destiny??? HAHAHHAAHAHA what a day-dreamer!!

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